Day 10 - It's My (Pity) Party and I'll Cry If I Want To...

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with life that you fell into depression?  I have. One incident many years ago was so severe that I had to be put on medication due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. I felt as if the sun was never shining and I was surrounded by a perpetual black cloud. Praise the Lord, He brought me through that and I no longer had to take medication. Over the years; however, depression has tried to creep back into my life.  I lost who I thought was the love of my life to divorce, I lost my home and my children (who decided they wanted to live with their dad). What a great pity party I had then! There were streamers (tears rolling down my face) and noise makers (me blowing my nose every minute and a half). I was the guest of honor and the attendee. 

Photo by William M. Leak, Jr

I had not been a Christian long when these events happened in my life. I held on to my self-pity like a child holds onto a favorite toy. It afforded me to make excuses about why I was not living right and why God's voice seemed so very faint. Yet God remained faithful to me. In 1992, He opened the doors for a job in Pittsburgh for which I had not even applied. I was making more money than I ever had in my life and things were good, really good.


But me, being me, still did not always live as a child of God. I caused myself ridiculous amounts of heartache. When depression saw how I was living, it had a foot-hold and tried creeping back into my life. I must admit that for a moment I succumbed to it, but shortly before the pity party began, I came to my senses and shut the door on pity and depression. I cannot say that depression never attempts to knock at my door, but I can say I know not to open it. I recognize when depression is in my neighborhood; I get that feeling of a dark cloud over me. So I go to God's Word for encouragement. One scripture that kept me through the trials of my life is Phillipians 4: 6-7.

⁶  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Peace that surpasses all comprehension??? YES!!! I can attest to this. No matter what is going on around me, I can experience the peace of God. When people don't meet my expectations, I still have HIS peace. When things aren't going well on the job, I still have HIS peace. When clients aren't calling and my calendar is empty, I still have HIS peace. 
1 Peter 1:8 reads:

⁸ and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory

I embrace His joy! Am I happy every day? No, but I can still be joyful, because I choose joy each and every day. 

I pray that you would choose joy. It, like love, is a choice. I choose to love Jesus. I choose to love those He has brought into my life. It is not always easy. There are some unlovable people that I have chosen to love in spite of themselves. I also choose to stop putting my expectations upon others. You know what? It saves me so much anxiety.

Jesus, I thank you for Your Word! There are so many passages that speak to how You are there for us in the good and bad times. Help me to keep my eyes focused on You, so that when the storms of life come, I will know I can make it through. You will never leave me or forsake me.

I love you, Lord!

Pamela