Why is it so difficult for me to live by faith? Don't get me wrong, I believe that God the Father is real and that He sent His Son Jesus to earth to be The Sacrifice for my sins. I believe the Jesus was crucified, died and was buried and rose again on the third day. I believe that when Jesus ascended to the right hand of the Father, He left the precious Holy Spirit as my Paraclete (an advocate or an intercessor). I believe that He created the world and everything in it and that everything belongs to Him. Yet, why don't I trust Him with my menial problems?
I have faith for you. If you called me on the phone and shared about problems going on in your life, I would assure you that God is not only able, He is willing to help you. I would site Biblical references and give you Scriptures that dealt with your issue. I would pray for you and your situation. But somehow, when it comes to doing those same things for myself, I fall short.
In October 2005, my oldest son, his wife and two children moved into my one bedroom apartment with me. I was single at the time and used to having my own space. Now I was sharing it with 2 more adults, and two toddlers. 2005 had been a very trying year. I had broken up with a man I with whom thought I was going to spend the rest of my life. My mother had been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, I was working on my Bachelor's degree in Information Technology and Management, working a full-time job and running a part-time photography business. I was also three months away from getting out from under a great deal of debt I had amassed. When my family moved in, I went into mom mode and wanted to make everything right. I got a loan because I was just supporting myself on the salary I made.
I did not have the faith that God would supply ALL MY NEEDS according to HIS riches and glory in Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 4:19)
My son, who told me he would look for a job, had a breakdown about 6 months into their stay with me. He distanced himself from all family and friends including his wife and children. He stopped eating, stopped bathing and seemed to lose all hope.He did "wake up" for a few months...even attended my graduation ceremony. He and his wife conceived and had another baby. After that time, he began to care for himself and no one else. He still would not talk to or interact with any family or friends. His wife and I tried to get him help, but because he had not hurt himself or someone else and was now tending to his needs, there seems to be nothing that can be done. We were told he has to ask for help...he does not speak to anyone nor does he leave the house.
It is 2012 and my son is still with me. He and his wife are separated. If I had exercised faith and set boundaries in my home, perhaps they would be living together now. That is in the past and it cannot be changed; however, moving forward, I am going to have faith that God will heal my son and reunite him with his family. I have to be fearless about allowing
my son to stand on his own two feet. I have to let go and let God.
Lord, forgive me for not exercising my faith as I should, for Your Word says:
Matthew 17:20
And He *said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.
Lord, I choose, this day to trust You. A mustard seed is one of the smallest seeds, yet YOU say if I have faith the size of a mustard seed...I can move mountains! Thank you, Lord, for loving me.
I love You, Lord
Pamela
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